Objectives Effectiveness: DEAR MAN
Be effective in asserting your rights and wishes.
Getting what you want or need from another person.
•obtaining your legitimate rights.
•getting another person to do something you want that person to do.
•saying no to unwanted or unreasonable request.
•getting your opinion or point of View taken seriously.
Describe - describe the current situation, if necessary. Stick to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.
Express - express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Don't assume that the other person knows how you feel. Use phrases such as "I want" instead of "You should," -- "I don't want" instead of "you shouldn't". Assert - assert Yourself by asking for what you want or saying no clearly. Do not assume that others will figure out what you want. Remember that others cannot read your mind.
Reinforce - Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time (so to speak) by explaining positive effects of getting what you want or need. If necessary, also clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need. Example: "I would be so relieved, and a lot easier to live with, if you do that." Remember also to reward desired Behavior after the fact.
Mindful - keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don't be distracted. Don't get off topic.
Appear Confident - appear effective and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, Whispering, staring at the floor, retreating. No thing, "I'm not sure," etc.
Negotiate - be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.
• "Broken Record": keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over. Just keep replaying the same thing again and again.
• "Ignore Attacks": if another person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempt to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.
•Turn the Tables: turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for other solutions. .